Sick Beets

1. a wife always laughs at dumb puns

2. a husband indulges an affinity for expensive but low-quality coffee

3. someone always throws the soccer ball too hard in the house and it ends up being like that berenstain bears book about the lies but no one yells at anyone because all the cool shit in the house is theirs and if they break it it's their own crap that they broke, not some antique thingy that uncle louie brought home from the war, and they can probably replace it really quick anyway because, let's be honest, they probably bought it from target in the first place

4. a husband sometimes makes up a song that goes "oopsie, poopsie, think i made a whoopsie" and sings it at max volume until he gets attention

5. a wife toils all day to fill the sink with extremely dirty dishes just because she knows a husband kind of likes to do the dishes

6. when husbands and wives try, for the first time, to cook beets together, they both give them a fair shot. they get their hands all beetbloody together. they give them a roast. they try and they try and even though they both decide they don't like beets they congratulate each other on the painstaking beet-liking effort they've made